Planet Orange is preparing for an invasion. On the second Sunday in April, the home of the Phoenix Suns will be overtaken by inhabitants from “a galaxy far, far away”.
Today the team announced that they will be hosting a “Star Wars: The Clone Wars Night” when they take on the Houston Rockets on April 11th. The night will include features such as “Star Wars on Planet Orange” introduction video, the Gorilla in a lightsaber duel and the Suns Dancers dressing as Princess Leia (an event most 35-year old geeks have been waiting a lifetime for).
With the Suns taking an unique approach to game night, I’ve decided to take an interesting approach to writing. In honor of “Star Wars: The Clone Wars Night” here are the Planet Orange equivalents to the Star Wars universe.
Yoda: Jerry Colangelo
Both are among the oldest and wisest of their respective groups and have experienced about as much as one could. They guide those not as wise as them in the their crafts. Yoda was a member of the Jedi Council and trained Luke Skywalker. Colangelo was the CEO of the Suns, director of USA Basketball and advised both Bryan Colangelo and Robert Sarver in the art of running a franchise.
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Kevin Johnson
Obi-Wan Kenobi was a Jedi Master who had become an All-Star in the ways of the force. Kevin Johnson was a point guard master who had been an All-Star in the ways of the NBA. Both tutored the future of their craft at young ages (Luke Skywalker, Steve Nash) and both were less remembered and less popular than their pupils.
Luke Skywalker: Steve Nash
Both were the young and talented future of their disciplines. At the beginning of their journeys, they were raw, but filled with natural abilities. Along the way they left for the dark side, Skywalker joining Galactic Empire and Nash joining the Dallas Mavericks. Both found their way back and like Skywalker, Nash led the NBA’s “Rebel Alliance” battling the conventional ways of the “Dark Side”.
Han Solo: Amare Stoudemire
Like Han Solo, Amare Stoudemire is the “loose cannon” of Planet Orange. When both were first introduced they were somewhat “reckless” and came off as “mercenaries”. They did things for themselves but their talents shown through. Over time, both matured from loners to team players who, as Star Wars creator George Lucas put it, “realizes the importance of being part of a group and helping for the common good.”
Chewbacca: Robin Lopez
Chewbacca was the hairy, 7-foot tall sidekick of Han Solo. His animalistic instincts, hustle and desire to do whatever it took to get the job done made him invaluable. He always had Han Solo’s back. Pretty much fits Robin Lopez’s role as a starter this season to a tee.
R2-D2: Jared Dudley
Both are undersized and underestimated. In the end, their contributions may have gone farily unnoticed in the big picture but without them those around them never would have accomplished their goals, thus making them beloved by fans.
Emperor Palpatine: David Stern
Although both Palpatine and Stern seem like well-respected leaders by their peers, their agreeable public personas are only masking their true selves: the “Dark Lords” willing to set events into motion that ultimately destroy those fighting for good. Honestly, the Clone Wars and the Amare suspension from the 2007 playoffs were both acts of malice towards the good guys, right?
Darth Vader: Gregg Popovich
Both fought for good early in their lives– Vader as a Jedi and Popovich as a member of the United States Air Force. As they grew older, both went to the “dark side”. Vader and Popovich as the commanders of their dark forces are foreboding and ruthless.
Bobba Fett and Jango Fett: Robert Horry and Bruce Bowen
Ruthless bounty hunters only concerned with defeating their opponent and collecting their reward by any means necessary.
Darth Maul: Kobe Bryant
Maul was the apprentice to a major sith lord and Bryant is thought by many to be a product of what Michael Jordan did in the NBA. Both are covered in tattoos and are ruthless assassins ready to strike at a moment’s notice. Despite appearances, when both talk they have a very calming and even keeled tone.
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Tags: Amare Stoudemire, Chewbacca, Darth Vadar, Gregg Popovich, Han Solo, Jerry Colangelo, Phoenix Suns. Star Wars: The Clone Wars Night, Robin Lopez, Steve Nash, Yoda
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B, Cray Z.
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nerdtastic
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Jess Root




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