Hi-Ho Silva Away!

Luke Lapinski, co-host of The Show To Be Named Later on Fanster.com, is taking his annual tour of the Cactus League, and he’s bringing us along for the ride. See the Cactus League like only Luke can see it. First stop–Peoria Sports Complex.

Our story begins on a street I like to call “Mariners Way”. Why do I call it Mariners Way? Well, partially because I have some odd form of baseball tourettes where I work the word “Mariners” into pretty much everything when baseball season rolls around and partially because the name of the road leading into the Peoria Sports Complex is, in fact, “Mariners Way”. Not a bad place for someone who grew up in the Seattle area to begin the whirlwind tour of the Cactus League.

Last year, the journey began in Maryvale - a place I had never been before and, quite frankly, wondered if I’d ever want to return to. As it turned out, the experience was so amazing that I can barely wait to go back this year (in fact, I can neither confirm nor deny that I may have driven past it a couple times during the winter like I was Jimmy Fallon checking up on some ex-girlfriend’s house in a poorly-written romantic comedy). I’ve been to Peoria plenty of times so I at least have some idea of what I’m walking into today. Or at least I think so until I get inside and see Eric Byrnes warming up in a Mariners uniform. Then, as I’m stumbling from the force of such a sight, I nearly fall into a fan wearing a Kyle Lohse jersey. This is all happening to quickly. Kyle Lohse? I won’t lie to you, that’ll pretty much throw you out of your comfort zone instantly. I don’t care who you are.

When I regain consciousness, the game is about to begin and we have our first classic pitching matchup of the 2010 baseball season: Tim Lincecum vs… um… Doug Fister. Whatever. I’ll take it. Last year’s Peoria trip featured the A’s and Padres. Not exactly the cream of the baseball crop. I love Spring Training, but that was roughly the equivalent to buying an Aston Martin with no stereo and an engine from a Geo Metro in it. Let’s just say I didn‘t get the full experience.

But 2010 is off to a great start. Not only do we get Tim Lincecum’s first game action of the year, the Mariners are trotting Ken Griffey Jr. and Ichiro out there as well. Look, I’ll do my best to keep any and all biases out of this blog for the duration of the Spring (except for the ones that are mildly derogatory towards Tucson - I‘m only human) but as someone that first started following baseball when Griffey was originally a Mariner, this is about as good as it gets. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my girlish shrieks to a minimum but its a good day to be at the ballpark - even though the Kid doesn’t play long. He does manage to drive in the first Seattle run of the Spring, then gets heckled by Ichiro as he leaves the game in the second inning to work out. Last Spring, four of the games on the trip involved the Mariners, yet I saw Griffey play a grand total of zero innings. What’s worse, I had to endure endless hours of Carlos Silva serving up softballs to any opponent with a bat. This year, Junior‘s actually playing and Silva‘s far away in Chicago, dealt in the off-season for Milton Bradley who, for the record, already seems mildly peeved as he steps up to the plate for the first time today. Lincecum, Griffey, and Ichiro all in the same game… not to mention John Bowker! One of these thing doesn’t belong! What a way to start the spring…

The Mariners actually touch up Lincecum for three runs in the first - which really just serves as a reminder that the outcome of this game means very little. But that’s what’s great about the Cactus League - the final score is but a fraction of the overall experience. Sure, fans always want their team to win but that doesn’t make or break a day at the park in March. And the people in charge know this. I have to give Bud Selig and company credit here - unlike some other leagues (we won’t name names, we’ll just use the initials N.F.L.), Major League Baseball doesn’t charge regular season prices for the preseason or try to pretend the games mean as much as the postseason. They embrace it for what it is - a fun time out at the park for fans to get close to the action and see their favorite players in a relaxed setting. (Note: if I am mysteriously unable to finish this blog because I spoke ill of the NFL, I’m punishing everyone by having Carrot Top step in and finish all the writing. You‘ve been warned.)

I generally like to wander the stadium throughout the game to get the full effect of what it has to offer and the Peoria Sports Complex is one of the best examples out there of the Spring Training experience. It’s one of the roomier stadiums and they have batting and pitching cages set up out in the concession areas, tons of foods to choose from, Hooters girls, and a guy dressed like a pirate. Basically, it’s a circus of festivities swirling around the game itself. I’m fairly certain the pirate guy doesn’t even work here but who cares? It’s Spring Training! Plus there’s a guy behind me in the food line clapping so hard that his hat falls off even though he can’t see the game from where’s he’s standing. And I’m pretty sure Dax Sheppard just walked by. At least he wasn’t wearing a Kyle Lohse jersey…

The most telling moment of this game occurs very early on. Eric Byrnes strides to the plate and I immediately begin playing the game that many Arizona baseball enthusiasts played last year every time he came up to bat: strikeout or popup. The game is simple - you have to call whether or not Byrnes strikes out or pops the ball up in the air. These are the only two options because, well, there just aren’t any other options with Byrnes at the plate. If you want to get real wild and crazy, you can try to pick if he’s going to pop it up in fair or foul territory, but it’s early so let’s stick to the basics for now (Don’t judge. It was a long season at Chase Field last year). Byrnes eventually strikes out, but not before hitting five foul balls near us, one of which just lands and rolls right past me - and a number of other uninterested people - before a guy doing an amazing balancing act with his beer walks over and nonchalantly grabs it. Last year - and really, every year since the dawn of time - any ball hit into the stands attracted a mad swarm of people. Not an Eric Byrnes popup. The fans have spoken.

I also feel like I should add this one final note: Erik Bedard made it through the entire game without getting hurt so it’s a good day for the Mariner fans that might be reading this. Granted, that’s because he’s already hurt so he‘s not playing this spring, but let’s just focus on the positives at this point. And if this quote from him doesn’t fire you up, I don’t know what will: “Whenever I’m back, I’m back… I don’t know. We’ll have to see.” Inspiring stuff. It’s like he’s working a double shift at the office and his kid just asked him to take him to Chuck E. Cheese or something.

Ironic Moment of the Game: Ichiro and Byrnes tossing the ball around in the outfield between innings. I can’t remember a game of catch where the talent discrepancy was so obvious. It was like watching Peyton Manning throw passes to a snowman.

Most Random Jersey in the Stands: There were two serious contenders for this coveted crown. The runner up goes to the guy wearing the Tim Salmon shirt in the right field bleachers, thus prompting the very valid question of what goes through a person’s mind when, on the way to a Mariners-Giants game in 2010, they decide “alright, the day has finally come. Time to break out my Tim Salmon jersey!” Disturbing. But not nearly as disturbing as the thought process behind going into a store and using real money to purchase a Kyle Lohse jersey as the guy standing next to me in the 1st inning did. That guy wins. And the rest of us all lose.

Inexplicable Player Sighting: Mike Koplove. Just when Diamondback fans thought it was safe to venture out into the sunlight… Mike Koplove is found lurking around the Mariners’ bullpen in Peoria. My only concern is that we may have peaked too early with the most inexplicable sighting of the spring in game one.

Vegas Odds to Win the World Series: San Francisco - 30:1 The fact that it’s this low says something about the NL West… Seattle - 50:1. Wow. That’s reassuring. Wonder what they were at before they added Cliff Lee and got rid of Silva.

Final Score: 8-7 SF in 10 innings. Nearly started off my second consecutive March with a tie. But that’s when Jesus Guzman stepped into Spring Training immortality with a game winning single for the Giants. The Cactus League: Where Jesus Guzman happens.

Stadium Capacity: 11,333

Best Food Deal: $2 hot dogs on Wednesdays. And look! It’s Wednesday!

Year Opened: 1994. That’s right, the same year that gave us “Regulate” by Warren G and Nate Dogg also gave us Spring Training in Peoria. Then again, 1994 gave us “Blue Chips” starring Shaq and Nick Nolte too so I guess it all evens out in the end.

Still to Go: 10 more stadiums, 13 more teams. It’s only the beginning…

Subscribe to your favorite Phoenix team or sport or Follow us on Twitter.

Tags: Cactus League, Carlos Silva, Cliff Lee, Eric Byrnes, Ichiro Suzuki, Ken Griffey Jr., Kyle Lohse, Mike Koplove, Milton Bradley, San Francisco Giants, Seattle Mariners, Tim Lincecum