The Sports Retorter: This optimism thing is overrated

Last week I used this little slice of the internet to admit I had a bit of a “problem”. Needless to say I’ve fallen off the wagon again.

I’m addicted to pessimism. I haven’t always been this way but years of conditioning by things and situations around me, specifically sports related, have left me, how do you say? Jaded (if you’re into non SAT words, I’m very bitter).

I’m a twenty-five year old, white male who is 5′ 9″, 5′ 10″ if I stand up straight. I’m a “little” overweight (if you go by my bad math skills and not body mass index). I’ve never been on a winning team going back to little league and soccer. Most of the professional and college teams I root for have found extraordinarily excruciating ways to let me down over the years.

Pessimism was always an easy crutch to fall back on.

I broke my addiction after the Cardinals beat the New York Giants, improved to 4-2, and were viewed by many “experts” as an elite team in the NFC. I put down the negativity and picked up an ice cold glass of “Sunny Delight”. I believed in the Cardinals, the hype and their “new attitude”.

I waxed on poetically for more than 500 words about dreams of a twelve win regular season, home field advantage in the playoffs and the banishing of demons from years passed (see Tom Tupa, Buddy Ryan, Denny Green, Andre Wadsworth, Jake Plummer and on and on).

As the old French proverb says, “The more things change, the more they stay the same”. Truer words have never been spoken when it comes to the Cards. Just as fast as they made the Nation take notice of the renaissance occurring in the desert they proved it was all a mirage.

By losing to the lowly Panthers this past Sunday the Cardinals not only set back their own pursuit of legitimacy but my recovery. As a matter of fact, I’m giving up on the thought of being positive when it comes to my hometown teams. They really have never given a reason to the contrary.

Outside of World Series game 7 win eight years ago today, the desert has been barren when it comes to titles. The Suns are 0-for-42, with years of heartbreak. The Coyotes haven’t been out of the first round in their time in Phoenix and nothing in seven seasons. The Cardinals have had two winning seasons and two trips to the playoffs in twenty-two years. ASU football ripped our hearts out in 1996 and made everyone suffer through the Dirk Koetter era and now the Dennis Erickson debacle. Even the Diamondbacks, the sole winners of a major sports title, seem destine for mediocrity (see their overall record since winning the World Series if you don’t believe me).

So to those of you overly, or even cautiously, optimistic about the Suns 4-0 start and their chance to tie the best start to a season in franchise history, don’t be. Even if they tie the record it doesn’t mean much. The last team to start a season 5-0 in Phoenix finished the season 10 games under .500. Steve Nash looks great now but things can change in a heart beat. Grant Hill is the team’s leading rebound and Channing Frye is shooting the lights out from beyond the arch, two trends I’m willing to be my pessimism to your optimism won’t continue.

It’s a long season and anything can happen, except a championship. We live in Phoenix.

As you watch the Yankees battle the Phillies in the World Series tonight, take a moment to remember what the Diamondbacks accomplished eight years ago tonight. It may be the only time we get “honk our horns, stomp our feat and celebrate in Arizona”.

Here’s to pessimism (until something better comes along) !

And Now For Something Completely Different

BatManu?

Over the weekend the Spurs’ Manu Ginobili knocked at bat out of the air and onto the court during a game at the AT&T Center. Because of the incident Manu was forced to get a rabies shot. Honestly, I was more concerned for the bat. Everyone in Phoenix knows how dirty players on the Spurs are.

The incident has gotten Spurs fans over at Pounding The Rock a little too “excited”. That excitement lead to them committing a mortal sin in my books, desecrating the Batman movie franchise (George Clooney, Jim Carrey and Arnold Schwarzenegger, are all still on my “dead to me” list).

First of all, Batman would never kill a bat. Second of all Manu doesn’t have enough hair to be Bruce Wayne. If anything he would fit as the Penguin (bad guy with odd nose who wears black and silver).

A Special Congratulations

Phoenix Suns Broadcast Producer/Director and friend of Fanster, Bob Adloch, won an Emmy in the Live Directing category. He won the award for a broadcast last December, when the Suns defeated the Orlando Magic in Phoenix.

Adloch was a participant in Fansters’ I Believe In series earlier this year.

Congratulations Bob!

Tweet of the Day

Figured I might as well end this edition of The Sports Retorter with a little optimism, as long as it doesn’t have to come from me.

Subscribe to your favorite Phoenix team or sport or Follow us on Twitter.

Tags: Arizona Cardinals, Arizona Diamonbacks, Bob Adloch, Emmy, Manu Ginobili, Phoenix Suns, San Antonio Spurs