Brownie Points: My mea culpa

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“First of all, I’m really, really sorry for my actions. I simply wasn’t thinking and what I said/did and there is no excuse for it. To the people I hurt/offended/slandered/etc. through my actions, I apologize.”

I’m not really sure what I’m going to do that will warrant the above apology, but it never hurts to be ready. And when you have a column that doesn’t mind treading into murky waters now and then – well it’s kind of like being a famous person in very poor health knowing two famous people have already died that day.

It’s just a matter of time.

I’m not really sure what will get me in trouble, but:

* Unlike Texas Tech coach Mike Leach, I probably won’t refer to his players’ “fat little girlfriends” three times in 10 seconds during a press conference. Imagine the conversations that prompted all around the campus.

“No honey, I don’t know who he was talking about.”

“No honey, I’m sure it wasn’t you he as talking about.”

“No honey, you don’t look fat in that tube top.”

So far, Leach has not found the need to apologize. Perhaps he has photographic proof to back up his claims. Perhaps in Lubbock, his statement is simply accepted as fact.

* Unlike college football announcer Bob Griese, I probably won’t suggest that NASCAR driver Juan Pablo Montoya was out “having a taco” during a broadcast.

First of all, Montoya is Colombian. Bzzzz. And then, you could tell that as soon as the remark left his lips, you could tell Griese knew he had thrown into the teeth of the zone for a pick-six.

He apologized twice during the broadcast and to anyone who would listen the next day, but he was still suspended for a week by ESPN – who must have a pretty intricate announcer transgression/penalty conversion chart because they have to refer to it on an almost daily basis.

1. Taco slurs against Colombian drivers …. One week.

2. Filming through the peephole at a female broadcaster/co-worker from a hotel hallway … suspension.

3. Married baseball analyst hooks up with a female intern? It is high … it is far … see ya!

* Oh yeah. Unlike former Mets GM Steve Phillips, I probably won’t sneak around Bristol, Connecticut with a 22-year-old production assistant that winds up bringing “Fatal Attraction” to your house (OK, minus the boiling wabbit on the stove.)

Steve, what are you thinking? It’s not like you’re going to get another front office job. The ESPN gig is going well. And you throw it all away for some 22-year-old with more chins than a … oops … see how fast you can get in trouble?

* What’s with the Suns and twin brothers from Stanford? With Robin Lopez out for 6-8 weeks, the Suns signed Jarron Collins – who, like Robin, played with his twin (Jason) for the Cardinal before they moved on to filling out rosters in the NBA. Add in Taylor Griffin (who isn’t a twin, but his the brother of Blake Griffin) and the Suns have the most impressive set of brothers this side of Frank Stallone, Billy Baldwin and George W. Bush.

Prediction time

I shied away from the Cardinals (winning on the road on national TV against the Giants – that’s new and different) or it would have been a really great week. And Michigan over Penn State? Juuust a bit outside.

But all in all, we go 5-2 for the week and the season record climbs to 30-12 and percentages holds steady at (.714) – a fine record but non BCS-title worthy. The key is not to push your luck, but keep a steady grip on the wheel … so back into the waters we go:

California 28, ASU 20: I really want to find two more wins on the schedule to get the Sun Devils bowl-eligible, and this one is one of the few remaining candidates. But an afternoon game at home never seems to pan out and the ASU offense doesn’t have enough to stay with teams who can score. The line says Cal by a touchdown and I can’t really argue.

Oregon 24, USC 20: Remember that Oregon team whose season was over when they got beat by Boise State and LeGarrette Blount went all Ron Artest on everyone in the state of Idaho? Ancient history, baby. The Ducks have won six straight and will be in the driver’s seat for the conference title with a win Saturday. Pete Carroll has owned a share of the Pac-10 crown since 2002, but the Trojans will have to play a great game to win this one.

Iowa 34, Indiana 14: Does anyone want to see the Hawkeyes in the national championship game? Eww. But if Iowa doesn’t get beat at Ohio State, and as the list of undefeated teams shrinks … as I said, eww…

Texas 40, Oklahoma State 21: The Cowboys are a good football team, but the Longhorns are men … they’re 40!

Cardinals 27, Panthers 10: Danger, Will Robinson! Fresh off back-to-back impressive road wins, the Cardinals dive into the marshmallow portion of their schedule against the Carolina team that they sent careening off the tracks with a playoff stunner last January. The Panthers haven’t been the same team since and both Jake Delhomme and John Fox may not survive the season. Arizona must avoid a letdown, but Carolina has turned the ball over 21 times in six games – two more than all of last season – so the Cardinals can probably afford a hiccup or two and still win.

Eagles 24, Giants 21: An incredible sports day in Philadelphia starts here and ends with the Phillies and Yankees squaring off across the street in the World Series. The Giants have lost two straight and their defense has looked very ordinary, while Donovan McNabb has risen from the dead for the 30th time and has the Eagle offense moving again. Even if Brian Westbrook sits, I like Philly.

Colts 31, 49ers 17: Who was it who said that the Niners would never be able to keep up their early-season pace for 16 weeks because Mike Singletary works them too hard in practice? Wish I could remember…

Packers 21, Vikings 14: Brett Favre took his victory lap in the Metrodome a few weeks ago. But there’s no Lambeau Leap in his future. Pro-Brett journalists around the country are predicting a standing ovation for No. 4 when he comes through the tunnel for the first time, and that may well happen. But all the water has not cleared the bridge, and the sight of him in purple won’t sit well.

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Tags: Bob Griese, Mike Leach, Steve Phillips

October 29th, 2009 10:12 AM PST