26Oct/092:24 PM

The Sports Retorter: Charles Barkley wants his chance to ruin a franchise

By Greg Esposito

Charles Barkley wants a chance to be a general manager of an NBA franchise.

Let that sink in for a minute. The bluntly honest former Sun who is no stranger to controversial comments and actions wants a chance to shape a NBA franchise (lets just hope it’s not in his image).

I’m as big of a Charles Barkley fan as you’ll find in Phoenix. I loved the way he played, owned his jersey, in both black and purple, I was at the game he scored his 20,000 career point and to this day have a poster of him dunking in my home office. With all that said, even I think this is on the same level of bad ideas as giving Magic Johnson the head coaching job of the Lakers, or even worse, a late night talk show .

Charles is wildly entertaining as a member of TNT’s broadcast crew and even provides some solid analysis of the games (depending on his mood). The problem is he lacks the ability to censor his opinions and seems to have a problem operating under anything less than being completely in charge. It is highly unlikely that he could change the way he interacts with people and the media just because his job title has changed (ask TNT).

Could you see Barkley keeping his mouth shut if his team goes on a four or five-game slide? Barkley would become the media’s best friend in whatever city he wound up in and the team’s public relations nightmare. I can see it now, “Following a string of bad games by team X’s star player, general manager Charles Barkley told the media that player Y is terrible and that the coach is a knucklehead for sticking with him this long. Barkley subsequently fired the coach and traded the player for a five-night stay at the Wynn, $200,000 in chips and a pass the the all you can eat buffet.”

Could you see him being able to take his new career seriously enough and avoid bar hopping, daily rounds of golf, impulsive gambling and the occasional late night encounters that find their way into the newspaper (who am I kidding–Michael Jordan hasn’t stopped any of those things and he’s still the president of the Bobcats, right?). This is the same guy who threw a man through a plate-glass window during his time in the league–an obvious sign of great people and managerial skills.

On top of that, it doesn’t seem like Barkley would use any new age statistical analysis like we’ve seen done in Houston with general manager Daryl Morey and in other NBA front offices. Barkley would rely on his gut, luckily it’s quite an expansive one to rely on.

Barkley doesn’t seem to view any of this as an issue though.

“[Teams] are taking a chance on guys worse than me,’’ Barkley told the Boston Globe. “First of all, I think my résumé is better than some of the other guys who have gotten jobs running NBA teams” (Kerr anyone?). “I want my chance to fail, just like everybody else.’’

Just because Barkley’s statistics in the league are better than some of the ex-players getting chances to be general managers, doesn’t mean he’s more qualified. That’s like saying Al Franken would make a good politician because he was skilled at making fun of and pointing out the flaws of those in Washington (Wait, that actually happened?).

You could argue that Kevin McHale and Isiah Thomas were better players in the NBA than Barkley. Both were given the opportunity to run a franchise, McHale in Minnesota and Thomas in New York, and both were about as affective at it as Jon Gosselin is at using contraceptives. Even Sir Charles’ good buddy Michael Jordan was terrible in the front office in Washington and proving just as bad in Charlotte. Any team willing to bring Barkley in would be signing up for a similar fate.

Good luck to any team willing to take a waiver on Barkley and good luck to Chuck if they do. They’ll both need it.

And Now Time For Something Completely Different

Who Would Sir Charles Bring In?

It’s time to move past the reasons why Charles Barkley wouldn’t work as an NBA general manager and look at the roster he might compile. Based on his history, likes and opinions here is what I imagine.

PG Daniell “Boobie” Gibson - Any man willing to get a DUI in search of a booty call would love to have a player like this.
SG Brandon Jennings - He’s young, brash, talented and he’s got the initials of a superstar in Chuck’s mind.
SF Jason Richardson - He and Barkley share talents such as being great rebounders for their size and operating vehicles after a few adult beverages.
PF Charles Barkley - He thinks the world of himself and Michael Jordan did it, so why not?
C Dwight Howard Got to keep the folks at T-Mobile happy.

A Cold Day In Hell

The experts seem to have the consensus that it will be a cold day in hell before the Suns have a chance at a title this year. The Suns and their fans may be in luck though. Forecasters are predicting that Wednesday, the day the Suns open their season, could tie the record for the coldest October 28th in Phoenix’s history.

Message Received

The Cardinals sent a message last night on national television. They let not only their fans, but the country know that they aren’t your, your father’s or your grandfather’s “same ol’ Cardinals”. Beating the Giants goes a long way to establishing the Cards as a legitimate NFL franchise. On a night where their offense was average, they managed to beat what many believe is one of the elite teams in the NFC, on the road no less. The defense led the charge disrupting Eli Manning’s rhythm and forcing turnovers all night.

The Bidwills always said if they got a new stadium, they’d be able to field a competitive team. Too bad no one took them seriously. Looks like Arizona could have “had a winner in town” a long time ago (Who am I kidding? The credit goes to Ken Whisenhunt and Kurt Warner for changing the culture and mentality of the Red Birds).

Big Mac Attack

Earlier this month I discussed the possibility of Matt Williams becoming a member of the Arizona Diamondbacks coaching staff pointing out the possible repercussions of hiring an admitted steroids user. Today it was announced that the Cardinals Tony LaRussa will hire Mark McGwire as his team’s hitting coach for the 2010 season.

Although I find it questionable at best that St. Louis would welcome him on their staff, it really comes as no surprise. If there ever was a manager who would be more than willing to embrace someone suspected of using steroids it would be LaRussa. He was the manager that “didn’t notice” as the steroids era began in his own locker room (As if Jose Canseco could be discreet about anything).

Good luck to Albert Pujols. It just became a little harder for you to avoid questions about your success.