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Daily Email21May/099:29 AM
There’s been a lot of back and forth through the media and on the internet between Phoenicians and Canadians in the past couple of weeks centering around a certain hockey franchise.
You know the story…the Phoenix Coyotes are in dire financial straits, and Canadian businessman Jim Balsillie is trying to swoop in (again), purchase the team with his gazillions of dollars, and move them to Hamilton, Ontario.
Canadians are sending verbal (and video) shots to the desert, accusing us of not knowing hockey, not supporting hockey and not caring about hockey. In fact, check out this video from a Canadian sports website, who took the Jay Leno approach of making the unaware look just plain stupid. Please, asking a Hooters girl about anything other than chicken wings or tight orange shorts is just downright cruel.
So, I’m taking the high road. I’m anticipating the worst, Phoenix. I’m anticipating the Coyotes will be purchased by old moneybags and moved to Ontario.
Let’s help them out. If this is to occur in time for next hockey season, there’s a lot of work to be done. And considering the NHL’s offseason is about 36 hours long, the timetable gets crunched significantly.
They obviously can’t take the ice at Copps Coliseum as the Hamilton Coyotes, can they? Hell no!
So, we here at Fanster would like to help. Here’s some name suggestions for the new Hamilton NHL franchise.
Hamilton Blackberries - The obvious. Serves dual purpose…gives Hamilton the fruitiest nickname in pro sports, while shilling Balsillie’s line of electronic gadgets.
Hamilton Poutine - Isn’t it about time that Canada’s best export (outside of Pam Anderson) gets recognized? How could anyone not like french fries covered in cheese and soaked in gravy? It would make a hell of a logo, too.
Hamilton Roughriders - Aren’t 75% of all sports teams from the Great White North named the Roughriders? Canadians are as good at naming sports franchises as George Foreman is at naming children.
Hamilton Superiors - Again, a double meaning. Ontario borders Lake Superior, and hockey fans from Ontario think they’re better than everyone else.
Hamilton Youngbloods - A nod to the greatest hockey movie of 1986, “Youngblood” starring Rob Lowe and Patrick Swayze and set in Hamilton. All American players will be forced to shave their pubic regions and sleep with the coach’s daughter before earning their Hamilton Youngbloods jacket.
Hamilton Grimleys - Comedian Martin Short, and thus, his SNL character Ed Grimley, hail from Hamilton, I must say.
Hamilton Spitfires - Hamilton is home to the Canadian Warplane Heritage Museum. Canadian Warplane? What’s that? Is that like French hospitality?
Hamilton Maple Leaves - This way, the franchise can siphon not-so-observant fans from Toronto, and be gramatically correct at the same time.
Hamilton Permatans - I was shocked to find out that Hamilton was settled by George Hamilton, owner of the world’s most luxurious tans.
Hamilton Steelers - Hamilton’s economy has long been fueled by the steel industry. Oh, and they’re trying to steal our team. There’s that double meaning again!
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May 21st, 2009 9:29 AM PST
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